Not my circus, not my (flying) monkeys

I love the phrase “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” It’s a good reminder to stay out of other people’s issues, especially when you have no reason to get involved. But what do you do when it is your circus (business) and your monkeys (employees)? In that case, then you need to take immediate and appropriate action. Otherwise, employees who behave badly can hurt workplace morale and drive customers away.

Let’s pretend that you own a circus full of talking animals. You employ some of those flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz. (I love the movie, but the flying monkeys are just creepy.) Other employees include a tin man, a cowardly lion, a scarecrow, and Toto the dog.

One day, two of the flying monkeys notice that the tin man has rusted solid and can’t move. They start hitting him. The lion is too scared to do anything, and the scarecrow can’t think of something to say to make the monkeys stop. However, he is smart enough to run to your office and tell you what happened.

You find the tin man and give him some WD-40. Once again able to speak, he says that his rust is particularly bad during rainy weather. Even worse, he forgot to oil his joints that morning, which made him particularly stiff. He says that he was simply doing his job, chopping wood, when the flying monkeys suddenly attacked him. (The monkeys deny everything.)

The lion is very reluctant to speak with you, even after you assure him that it will remain confidential. However, in a shaky voice he corroborates what you’ve heard from the tin man and the scarecrow.

Toto says that he saw something going on between the flying monkeys and the tin man, but didn’t want to get involved. When you ask why, he growls at you. He then sighs, and explains that the flying monkeys have caused him enough problems in his life.

You discuss all of this with your trusty workplace consultant, Dorothy. She advises you to immediately fire the two flying monkeys for violating your workplace violence policy. Moral of the story: When it is your circus, you better clean up after those flying monkeys.